I hate wanting equally to be in two places at once. I find myself always in only one. Try as I might, I cannot be both there and here at the same time, where ever there and here happen to be. I don’t want to be a let down to anyone, but it’s become the same feeling I get when I get pulled over. I’ve been pulled over many times, and nowadays, when I see the flashing lights behind me, my initial reaction is “Dang…can I afford this?” When I have to let one person/thing down to fulfill the requirements of a different person/thing, my initial reaction has become “Dang…can I afford this?” Generally, in my head I pronounce “Dang” with a thick Southern accent.
I don’t fear letting people down (or being pulled over), but I usually try to do prevent let downs (or traffic violations), but sometimes I have two equal things to attend to (and sometimes my foot just gets so heavy).
There is a large part of me that is a people-pleaser. I have done a pretty good job of covering that part with bravado, hyperbole and thrift-store t-shirts, so it generally only sneaks out when I’m in my own head. I have a fear of failure, which is greater easily than any other fear I have, then next being falling from great heights, which I pretend doesn’t exist unless I look down and my heart leaps like Kermit the Frog from my chest.
But, hey! Tomorrow’s another day, and I’m usually pretty good about asking for forgiveness. I’ve made some bad calls on how I’ve reacted to situations, and I’ve owned up to it. Sometimes I’ll have to skip your thing to go to their thing, and I’m sorry I let you down, but that’s what happened.
I’ll even write you a blog about it.
I’ve been writing bad poetry again, too, so I could write you a song about it.
I really dislike the overused phrase “it is what it is,” but that’s what it is, and despite my dislike I will continue to say it. No one can be in two places at once, except that blue dude from Watchmen, he seems able to be in any amount of anywheres at any time.
I’m still shaking off the vacation feeling, so I suspect these blogs will return to their normal level of funny/drama next month.